I teach meditation to teenagers. I really like it, but preparing for a class is hard. I guess it’s because I’m not teaching knowledge to children. It’s always hard to prepare for class because I have to reach out to the kids and open their minds to meditate on their own.

I’ve been doing this for 5 years. There have been many changes. There have also been a lot of failures. Lots of self-blame and stuff. There have also been times of despair and regret.

It was a while ago. Every day I write in my diary. I review the day before bed. That day, I thought about my day, and my work was getting harder, so I wrote honest feelings in my diary. I wrote this question at the top of my diary.

Why am I doing this?

The first thing that comes into my head from the edges of my consciousness is hopeless and negative.

1. Almost by accident

2. Because I am doing it now

3. There’s nothing else to do.

4. Because I don’t want to be insulted by my co-workers

5. Most people have jobs, so I should too.

I told myself not to speak out of manners like a teenager, just be honest.

I got this answer from the depths of my heart.

1. It’s something I’m good at

2. I’m good at communicating with kids

3. I’m good at watching people and treating them well

4. Because the kids in the community are as precious to me as my own.

5. I’m not only raising the kids I give birth to, but we’re raising the kids of the community.

6. Meditation gave me freedom of mind, and I want children to feel like that.

7. I want to live a confident and proud life

8. I’d like to share my experiences of overcoming adversity with others

9. Sharing my experiences with others will help me grow more.

I’m nobody in this world. I think it’s important to do something every day. Even if it’s just a little thing. Even though I’m smaller than a dot, I’ve seriously thought about ‘why am I doing this?’ for the first time.

I don’t mind when no one notices what I’m doing. As long as I put meaning into it, that’s enough.